Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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