I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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