3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
