I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
