I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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