so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
