I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
