Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
