so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
