actually, I'm a sock model
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
