she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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