hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize