I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
