Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
