why didn't you poke me back
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
