dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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