Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
