She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
