i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
