i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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