i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
