i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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