Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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