I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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