please come you make the beer taste better
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
