If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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