i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
