Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
