He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
