so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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