I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
