All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
