is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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