my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
