dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
