i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize