they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
