Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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