i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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