there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
only you would photoshop your dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
