I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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