I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
