So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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