i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
