yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
