Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize