So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
