just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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