You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
