She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
