Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
