And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Congratulations! We have a period
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
