Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
