If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
