My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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