I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
