The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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