Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
