There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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