Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
