Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
