My balls are so social today.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
