they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
