i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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