why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
