i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
