I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
